This time of year many people are making holiday gift lists and thinking about shopping, wrapping, and mailing gifts. The other day I thought about a gift we can all give, regardless of the season, one that is immeasurable in its power: the gift of attention.

I was in Whole Foods buying cupcakes for my cousin’s wife’s birthday. When I got up to the register, the cashier looked right at me and said, “How are you today?” I answered, “Doing well – getting ready to drive to Beaufort for the holiday.” He continued to look right at me, asking me if I was looking forward to the holiday. I was astonished. I realized: this person is actually listening to me. He is not multitasking but really paying attention to our conversation. What a gift he has given me.

It is very difficult in a fast-paced, noisy society to be heard…..and it’s even more challenging to have someone pay attention to you. Whenever you walk into a restaurant or store, there is music, and it’s usually loud. My aunt told me about the time she went into a store where the music was so loud, she could barely think. She asked one of the clerks to turn down the music. The response? “I’m sorry. We get in trouble with our corporate office if our music is not maintained at a specific setting.” I’m sure there’s some sort of market research behind that rule, but I am at a loss to understand what it might be.

In my counselor education graduate program, one of our first courses introduced what are called the “microskills” of listening to someone. Attending is one of them, involving specific nonverbal cues that let another person know you are paying attention to what he or she is saying. Attending behaviors include posture, gestures, facial expressions, and voice, all of which communicate something to to the other person. They express that you are listening and that you are invested in helping the other person have a better life.

Try the following this week: observe your attending behaviors and think about the quality of your listening while you are with another person. Are you present in the conversation you are having? Or are you all over the place – listening for your phone, watching for someone else to come in the room, thinking about everything on your ‘to do’ list?

Really paying attention to another person is a generous gift that doesn’t require a holiday. I hope you can give it to someone soon.